Are you tired of being in toxic relationships? Perhaps you’ve never been in a relationship, so you’re not sure how to spot red flags in dating. Whether you’re stuck in an unhealthy cycle or want to make sure you never get into one, paying attention to Christian dating red flags will help you safeguard your heart. It’s not just about spotting bad behaviors but discerning whether someone shares your values, faith, and commitment to living for Christ.
Are you ready to avoid unnecessary heartache and stop dating the wrong guys who don’t align with your desire for a godly marriage one day? Let’s get into it.
What are Red Flags in Dating?
Red flags are warning signs that indicate potential issues that might arise. The biggest red flags in a relationship often include dishonesty, controlling behavior, or a lack of respect for your boundaries. When it comes to online dating, red flags on dating apps might look like inconsistent profiles, refusal to meet in person, or overly vague answers about their life. Spotting these early can save you from investing in a relationship that may not be healthy or fulfilling.
How Do You Spot Relationship Red Flags Early in Dating?
A lot of times, red flags really aren’t that hard to spot. They’re typically easy to see, but they’re much harder to accept. If you’re anything like me, you probably notice those warning signs long before you decide to act on them. Instead, you convince yourself the person might change — or worse, that you can change them — and end up ignoring what’s right in front of you. Inevitably, this leads to heartbreak over something that, deep down, you knew was coming all along.
However, if you feel like you’re truly not good at seeing potential issues down the road, there are a few ways to spot red flags early on in the relationship.
How To Spot the Biggest Red Flags in Dating:
- Pay Attention to Their Words and Actions: Do they follow through on promises? Words can be sweet, but actions reveal who someone truly is. If they consistently fail to back up words with actions, that’s a sign worth noticing.
- Notice How They Handle Conflict: Watch how they respond to disagreements, even small ones. Are they defensive, dismissive, or quick to anger? Healthy communication during conflict is key to a strong relationship.
- Observe Their Behavior Toward Others: How do they treat waitstaff, friends, or even strangers? Someone who is disrespectful or rude to others is likely to behave that way with you sooner or later.
- Take Note of Boundaries: Do they respect your personal space, time, and decisions? If they push your boundaries early on, it’s a sign of deeper issues, like control or lack of respect.
- Gauge Their Level of Honesty: Are they open and transparent, or do things feel inconsistent or evasive? Small lies or withholding information can indicate a pattern of dishonesty.
- Pay Attention to How They Speak About Past Relationships: If they constantly blame their exes or speak negatively about them, it could mean they struggle with taking accountability or still carry unresolved baggage.
- Watch for An Over-Eager Pace: Are they rushing into things too quickly, like pushing for commitment or dropping “I love you” way too soon? Moving too fast can be a way to gloss over deeper compatibility issues.
- Look for Signs of Control: Do they discourage you from spending time with friends and family or try to dictate your choices? Early signs of controlling behavior often grow over time.
- Evaluate How They Handle Disappointment: Unexpected setbacks often reveal true character. Do they sulk, lash out, or blame others? Emotional maturity here matters a lot for long-term compatibility.
- Trust Your Gut: If you have an uneasy feeling, don’t ignore it. Even if you can’t pinpoint what’s wrong, the Holy Spirit may be prompting you to pay attention.
- Be Honest About Your Needs and Expectations: If expressing yourself makes you feel unsafe or unheard, take note. A healthy relationship allows space for both partners to be their authentic selves.
Dating Red Flags vs. Christian Dating Red Flags
General red flags in dating include behaviors and attitudes that undermine trust, respect, or healthy communication, which are essential in any relationship. Red flags in Christian dating go a step further by considering spiritual alignment and commitment to biblical values. These could include a lack of interest in prayer, dismissing the importance of attending church, or displaying a selfish rather than Christ-like attitude in their actions.
While general red flags impact relational health, Christian dating red flags speak to whether the person is pursuing a godly path and whether they’ll support and strengthen your relationship with Christ. This is a really important distinction because, as Christians, dating is not just about compatibility but about choosing someone who aligns with your faith.
10 Biblical Examples of Red Flags in Christian Dating
The biggest red flag in a guy is anything that shows you he isn’t living his life for God. Walking in disobedience to the Word can look like a lot of things. Here are a few biblical examples of red flags that you should heed as a warning sign that a toxic relationship could be lying in wait.
1. Wanting To Move Too Fast
“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” (Song of Songs 2:7)
It’s natural to want to feel wanted. When a guy shows interest, it makes you feel desired and loved — which is a beautiful thing! It’s a dating red flag when that affection turns into pressure to move the relationship forward faster than you’re comfortable with. Or when you skip over the important process of truly getting to know someone and building a solid foundation.
Saying “I love you” right away, making big commitments early on, or rushing into living together after only a few months can lead to trouble. Relationships that are built in haste often lack the depth, trust, and intentionality needed to survive challenges. Without allowing time for prayer, counsel, and discernment, you may find yourself in a relationship that feels good in the moment but isn’t aligned with God’s timing or plan for you. True love is patient and intentional, not rushed or forced.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Pushing for exclusivity or commitment very early on.
- Talking about marriage or lifelong plans on the first or second date.
- Pressuring you to share deep emotional or personal details too soon.
- Avoiding intentional time to build a friendship before becoming romantic.
- Trying to skip over setting boundaries in the relationship.
2. Controlling Behavior
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)
Being cared for in a relationship feels safe and reassuring — but there’s a difference between care and control. A red flag in dating is when care becomes possessive or overbearing, and you feel like your freedom is being restricted. Love is rooted in kindness and respect, not in someone trying to control your time, choices, or emotions.
When a guy insists on having the final say in everything or acts jealous when you spend time with your friends, it can indicate insecurity and a lack of trust. A relationship built on control will slowly erode your confidence and freedom, which is far from God’s intention for a healthy partnership.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Constantly checking where you are or who you’re with.
- Making decisions for you instead of respecting your input.
- Acting jealous or upset when you spend time with others.
- Pressuring you to change your opinions or beliefs to match theirs.
- Expecting you to prioritize their desires above all else.
3. Easily Angered or Upset
“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” (Proverbs 22:24-25)
We all have moments when we feel frustrated or upset — that’s normal. A Christian dating red flag is when anger explodes into constant outbursts or becomes a way for someone to dominate a situation. While anger itself isn’t sinful, the Bible warns us about associating closely with those who lack self-control in this area.
If a guy lashes out over small inconveniences, blames others for his temper, or refuses to take responsibility for his words or actions, it’s worth paying attention. Holding back frustration, practicing humility, and responding with grace are signs of spiritual maturity. A short-tempered person may struggle to create a peaceful and safe environment for a relationship to flourish.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Frequently losing patience over small inconveniences.
- Blaming you or others for their bad mood.
- Being rude or aggressive toward service workers or strangers in public.
- Using anger as a way to shut down disagreements.
- Refusing to apologize after an angry outburst.
4. Harsh or Impatient
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” (Colossians 3:19)
Words and actions have the power to either build someone up or tear them down. It’s a red flag in dating when someone speaks harshly or responds impatiently, making you feel small, unheard, or unappreciated. A person who cannot show kindness or gentleness may lack the character traits needed for a Christ-centered relationship.
Harshness can look like belittling comments, sarcasm disguised as humor, or refusing to extend the grace that they themselves would hope to receive. True love mirrors Christ’s gentleness toward the church. If a guy is unable to set aside impatience or speak in love, it’s worth asking whether his heart is truly aligned with God’s Word.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Talking down to you or making you feel small.
- Being sarcastic, belittling, or overly critical often.
- Reacting to inconveniences with unkind words.
- Rolling their eyes or sighing when you express concerns or feelings.
- Showing little to no patience when things don’t go as planned.
5. Manipulative
“But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God’s word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.” (2 Corinthians 4:2)
It’s easy to miss manipulation in the early stages because it can come across as subtle or even caring. However, when someone twists situations to make you feel guilty, doubts your perspective, or uses charm to cover up wrong behavior, it’s one of the biggest red flags in a relationship. Manipulation is rooted in control, not love.
You deserve a relationship where honesty and transparency are the foundation. Protecting yourself from manipulation means being anchored in God’s truth and not allowing someone to distort Scripture or your feelings for their benefit. Trust is key to any healthy partnership, and manipulation is its silent destroyer.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Twisting your words to make you feel guilty.
- Using guilt or shame to get their way.
- Exaggerating situations to make themselves look better.
- Acting overly sweet or apologetic to cover up poor behavior.
- Using Scripture out of context to justify their actions.
6. Unwilling To Forgive
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
You cannot have a long-lasting relationship without forgiveness. We all make mistakes. Forgiveness is at the core of what it means to love like Christ loves us. If someone holds onto grudges or refuses to work through conflict with grace and understanding, it’s a red flag. Bitterness can quietly grow over time and poison any chance of a thriving relationship.
When a guy refuses to forgive, it often shows an unwillingness to humble himself or recognize the importance of reconciliation. Being able to forgive shows real strength and maturity. It’s not always easy, but it’s how we make space for healing and keep relationships from falling apart. Without forgiveness, frustration and hurt can pile up, turning into walls that block trust and connection.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Bringing up past mistakes during arguments.
- Refusing to talk things through after you’ve apologized.
- Acting distant or standoffish instead of working to resolve conflict.
- Speaking negatively about others they haven’t forgiven.
- Using forgiveness as a bargaining chip instead of giving it freely.
7. Unwilling To Communicate
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19)
Relationships are built on communication. It’s how you connect, solve problems, and grow together. If someone avoids meaningful conversations or gives you the “silent treatment” when you try to talk about something serious, it’s a red flag. Trust me — you do not want to be in a relationship or marriage with someone who is unwilling to communicate.
If a guy shuts down when things get hard or dismisses concerns and feelings with phrases like “it’s not a big deal,” take notice. Healthy communication takes effort from both people, along with a willingness to listen more than you speak. Steer clear of someone who isn’t willing to engage in the hard, honest conversations that strengthen your connection.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Ignoring your attempts to address serious topics.
- Stonewalling or giving the “silent treatment” during disputes.
- Refusing to clarify feelings or intentions.
- Changing the subject to avoid discussions about the relationship.
- Invalidating your emotions or saying, “You’re overthinking it.”
8. Disrespectful Toward Boundaries
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4)
It’s a red flag in Christian dating when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, dismissing them or trying to push past them. Boundaries — like not having sex until you’re married — are not just about protecting purity but also about building trust, respect, and security between two people.
When a guy pressures you to go further than you’re comfortable or mocks your convictions as “too serious,” it shows a lack of maturity and care for your spiritual well-being. Love that honors God prioritizes self-control over momentary desires. Boundaries are protective — not restrictive — and anyone worth pursuing will value them as much as you do.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Pressuring or guilt-tripping you to compromise physical boundaries.
- Mocking your boundaries as being “too extreme.”
- Ignoring your requests or agreements about boundaries.
- Using love or commitment as an excuse to push limits.
- Neglecting to be accountable for their own actions and choices.
9. Lack of Spiritual Maturity
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
One of the biggest Christian dating red flags is someone who doesn’t have a strong foundation of faith or commitment to God’s Word. You simply cannot have a godly relationship with someone who doesn’t have a relationship with God.
If a guy dismisses the importance of prayer, church, or living by godly principles, it’s worth reflecting on whether he’s ready to lead or build a relationship centered on God. True spiritual maturity is shown not just in words but in actions. In a marriage, the man is the leader of the household. When you’re dating, it’s the time to decide if you like the way the man leads.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Skipping church regularly or not prioritizing Christian community.
- Having no prayer life or personal time with God’s Word.
- Making decisions based on feelings rather than Scripture.
- Showing little interest in discussing faith or theology with you.
- Justifying sin rather than repenting and seeking Christ.
10. Dishonest and Disloyal
“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.” (Proverbs 12:22)
You can’t build a life with someone you don’t trust. When dishonesty creeps in through small lies or patterns of disloyalty, it becomes a major dating red flag. If someone is willing to lie to you about small things, they’re willing to lie about big things — it’s just a matter of time.
If someone is consistently evasive, breaks promises, or acts in ways that seem to undermine the relationship, pay close attention. Faithful love mirrors God’s own commitment to us. Without honesty and loyalty, a relationship is built on sinking sand, leaving room for hurt and insecurity to grow.
This Red Flag in a Guy Can Look Like:
- Hiding things from you or being evasive.
- Providing inconsistent stories or easily caught lies.
- Being flirtatious or inappropriate with other women.
- Breaking promises repeatedly with no remorse.
- Justifying deceptive or shady behavior as “no big deal.”
Why It Matters So Much
When you’re just getting to know someone, it’s easy to overlook little things that might not feel like a big deal at first. Sometimes, we ignore red flags in dating because we’re having fun, caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, or hoping things will naturally work themselves out. But here’s the truth: dating isn’t just something casual or temporary. It’s the foundation for a godly marriage. And if you desire a marriage that reflects God’s design, you have to approach dating with intention and wisdom.
This means choosing to date someone whose heart is aligned with God’s will. A godly man isn’t perfect, but he will be committed to doing the tough, uncomfortable work it takes to build a healthy relationship. That includes being honest, even when the truth is hard to say, communicating through conflict instead of avoiding it, and forgiving with humility — even if it means admitting he’s wrong. This kind of man won’t hide behind excuses or act in shady ways. He’ll seek to honor you and God in how he loves, leads, and lives his life.
Sometimes, though, it’s hard to see Christian dating red flags clearly when you’re emotionally invested in someone. That’s where having a Christian mentor can make all the difference. Often, the people around you can spot things you might miss because they’re viewing the relationship from a different perspective. If you sense something feels off or if the Holy Spirit is nudging you to pay attention, don’t ignore it. Take those concerns to a trusted Christian mentor who can offer unbiased advice rooted in godly wisdom.
If you feel like you need support navigating dating or other relationship challenges, I invite you to check out The Well Christian mentorship. It’s a place where you can get biblical guidance, encouragement, and practical advice to honor God in your relationships. I know what it’s like to be in a toxic relationship, unsure how to make changes or leave it. You aren’t alone. Let’s walk this journey together.