Why am I having a hard time making friends? What’s wrong with me? Will I ever experience a close friendship as an adult? Do any of those questions sound familiar? Making friends as an adult is hard. I found myself questioning my worth and likeability too many times to count as I struggled to make new connections for years after college. If you’re in a similar boat, I encourage you to open your heart as you read about how to make new friends as an adult from my personal experience! 

Making Friends as an Adult: FAQs

Navigating the world of adult friendships can feel like uncharted territory, leaving you with more questions than answers. Whether you’re curious about where to start or how to deepen existing connections, let’s answer some all-too-common questions about how to make friends as an adult.

Is It Normal for Adults Not To Have Many Friends?

Normal? Yes. How God wants it to be? Nope! God wants us all to have people in our lives to support, encourage, and love us. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

And Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

God’s perfect plan for people is togetherness. But unfortunately — and especially in America — we are extremely isolated people. 

It’s easy to find ourselves drifting into solitude, often without even realizing it. We might think we’re just busy or that socializing is a luxury we can’t afford. Yet, when we pause to reflect, we can see how being part of a community gently nudges us toward a more enriched life. Connections with others can provide a tapestry of support and shared experiences that, over time, weave a sense of belonging and warmth into our lives. This is why learning how to make friends as an adult is so imperative. 

Where Do Most Adults Make Their Friends?

As kids, school is a goldmine for new friends. You’re surrounded by the same people every day. They’re your age, live in your town, and it’s easier to find people with similar interests. As an adult, things get a little more tricky. You might find a connection at work — but for me, as a young adult entering the workforce, I found most of my co-workers were much older than me, with families and different interests. 

When it comes to ways for adults to meet new friends, you have to be super intentional. If you can’t find friends at work (where you spend 8+ hours a day), you can’t just go home afterward and expect anything to change. You have to get involved, get outside, and get connected. Whether it’s striking up a conversation with someone at your local gym or coffee shop or getting involved in local community events, action opens doors to meeting like-minded people. And every friendly exchange is a chance to build a new connection. 

How Do Adult Introverts Make Friends?

I’m an introvert, so I completely understand it’s not your instinct to start talking to a random stranger in the store. But on my journey of making new friends as an adult, I quickly realized I was going to have to overcome my shyness and get confident if I wanted to stop living life in isolation. I share what this looked like for me in this article. For you, it might look like…

• Joining a book club where you can dive into discussions about your favorite novels and connect with fellow book lovers who appreciate a good story.
• Volunteering for a cause you care about where you can share your passion with others while making a positive impact in your community.
• Taking a class or workshop to learn something new and bond with classmates over shared interests and experiences.
• Attending a Meetup group to find people with common hobbies or interests and enjoy low-pressure socializing in a welcoming environment.
• Exploring online communities to engage with like-minded people from the comfort of your own home and slowly build friendships.
• Inviting an acquaintance for a casual coffee and keeping it low-key and enjoying one-on-one time with someone you’d like to get to know better.
• Leveraging social media and using platforms to connect and interact with people who share your interests or professional field.
• Trying Bumble for Friends where you can “swipe” to meet other people in your area who are looking for friends. (This worked for me! Read more about my Bumble BFF experience.)

How Many Friends Does the Average Adult Have?

According to a Pew Research Center study, 8% of Americans report having no close friends, while 38% say they have five or more! But don’t let these numbers intimidate you. Regardless of what end of the spectrum you fall, it’s possible for you to learn how to make new friends as an adult. Whether you’re on the hunt for your very first adult friendship or want to grow your circle of friends, putting in the effort can be extremely rewarding.

Do Adults Have Best Friends?

What comes to mind when you think of having a best friend? The closest friend I ever had was during high school. As “best friends,” we spent nearly every day together after school and would text when we weren’t together. It was never a question of if we would hang out on the weekends but what we’d do. These childhood friendships are something to cherish because, as adults, having a best friend doesn’t look the same … at all (in my experience). 

But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a best friend as an adult. My mom did, and for them, it looked like texting or calling each other nearly every day! Right now, my best friend and I don’t text often, but we do hang out multiple times a week. Plus, our relationship is still developing, and I’m confident our lives will become even more intertwined as we get to know each other deeper.

How To Make Friends as an Adult: What I Did To Create New Relationships

In college, making friends was simple. I was surrounded by people my age who shared the same interests, took the same classes, and had the same routines. But after college? When I started a new job in a new town, I suddenly realized just how clueless I was when it came to meeting people as an adult. “I just need one friend that gets me,” I told myself. 

It took about seven years before I met someone with real friendship potential who has turned out to be one of the best friends I could’ve asked for. Here’s a little insight into what I did on my journey of making new friends as an adult to help you build meaningful relationships.

I Prayed … A LOT

I was not an “overnight success” when it came to making friends as an adult. I prayed a lot, and for many years, that God would orchestrate meaningful relationships in my life. Over the course of seven years, I had glimmers of potential friendships that would quickly dissipate for various reasons. But I never stopped praying.

I Mustered Confidence To Leave My Comfort Zone

I pushed myself past my comfort zone, trying to make new connections.

• I asked a co-worker to hang out after work. 
• I asked a Macy’s cashier for her phone number. 
• I asked the front desk gal at my chiropractor if she wanted to go for a bike ride.
• And I downloaded Bumble for Friends.

It’s amazing how God used a silly little app to connect me with my closest adult friend. Of course, it didn’t happen right away! The first time I tried it, I met lots of people, but nothing really stuck. And that’s okay — not everyone is a perfect match to be your friend. It’s kind of like dating: not every “first date” leads to a life-long partnership. 

But I didn’t give up and eventually tried the app again. I swiped on a girl named Michelle, who mentioned having interests similar to mine. We connected. We chatted. We met up for a walk. And the rest is history!

Well, sort of … I also had to let go of expectations, be very intentional, and get vulnerable. 

I Let Go of Expectations

If you’ve had close friendships in the past, you might have expectations of how you want a new friendship to look. But it’s really important that on your journey to making new friends as an adult, you let go of expectations. And that’s exactly what I did with Michelle. I chose to stop trying to control everything and allow the friendship to grow at its own pace and become whatever it was meant to become.

I Was (and still am) Very Intentional 

While I was committed to letting the relationship flourish without pressure, this doesn’t mean I wasn’t intentional. Being intentional is the key to making friends as an adult. If you’re not willing or ready to be intentional — text first, make plans, follow through — you simply won’t be able to build new connections. You have to make plans and stick to them, even during the awkward stages of first getting to know someone. Fortunately, Michelle and I were both intentional. It made all the difference in moving our friendship past the beginning stages toward an actual relationship.

I Opened Myself up and Let Her In

Have you ever been hurt by a friend? Perhaps someone you trusted lied to you, or maybe they excluded you from an important event, leaving you feeling overlooked and undervalued. These past experiences can negatively impact how we act in new relationships. It’s easy to put up walls and keep someone at arm’s length, but you won’t make deep connections that way. 

If you really want a friend who knows you, understands you, gets you, and loves you, you have to let them in. You have to be willing to be vulnerable over time and share your life with them as they do with you. It was this willingness that allowed Michelle and me to create something meaningful — a friendship that goes the distance. We were already tested when I moved away for over half a year! Because of the foundation we built, we were able to keep our friendship strong and reconnect when I got back to town as if no time had passed.

Build Confidence To Make Friends With Christian Relationship Coaching

If you’re struggling to make friends, you probably feel more alone than you ever have. I know because I’ve been there. It’s not a good feeling when it feels like everyone else has friends, and you’re completely by yourself. 

God wants you to have friends, but learning how to make new friends as an adult can be challenging, especially if you’re more introverted like me. But now that I’m on the other side, I know I can help you build meaningful relationships. And I’d love to support you on your friend-making journey with one-on-one coaching, where I offer practical advice and tangible steps to meeting new people and finding friends that last. 

If you’re interested in how I can help, you can learn more about Christian Relationship Coaching or DM me on Instagram to chat!