My dad didn’t deserve my forgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t earned. Forgiveness doesn’t follow merit; it follows grace. It’s hard to forgive, especially when the person isn’t sorry or doesn’t offer an apology. But forgiveness is always worth it. I know you might not believe that if you’re currently experiencing the pain of being hurt by someone. But I hope you’ll explore how forgiving without an apology can still lead to the peace and freedom you’re looking for (especially as we dive into forgiveness Bible verses that speak to the heart of the issue).

What Is Forgiveness, Really?

A lot of times, we find it hard to forgive because we think forgiveness means forgetting, letting someone off the hook, or devaluing our self-worth. But forgiveness doesn’t equate to any of those things. Forgiveness is freedom — freedom from allowing another person’s actions to have any hold over your life.

Unforgiveness leads to bitterness, resentment, and anger. Forgiveness releases those feelings in exchange for compassion and peace. It’s choosing to give grace over holding a grudge. It’s a reflection of God’s love and a reminder of how Jesus died for the forgiveness of our sins.

Is Forgiveness Really Necessary?

Not only is it necessary, but it’s mandatory for Christians. In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus says, “‘For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’”

Did you catch that?

If you do not forgive, God will not forgive you. Unforgiveness doesn’t just hurt you, but it hinders your relationship with God. There are tons of benefits of forgiveness. But the main reason we should forgive is to be obedient to God.

Forgiveness Bible Verses

We are told multiple times throughout scripture to forgive. Here is just a handful of forgiveness Bible verses that highlight this command:

• Ephesians 4:32 — “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
• Colossians 3:13 — “Bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
• Luke 6:37 — “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
• Mark 11:25 — “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
• Matthew 18:21-22 — “Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”

Forgiveness is mandatory, and it’s unlimited. As Christians, we are called to forgive everyone, all the time, everywhere, without exception.

Why Is It So Hard To Forgive?

The command to forgive is so hard because we think it means something that it doesn’t. We think it means we can’t be angry or sad or hurt anymore. We think it means being totally fine with what happened. We think it means letting the other person off the hook, and nobody wants to do that! We want the other person to know that they hurt us, and we want justice. 

We somehow think that unforgiveness leads to justice, but it just leads to chains — chains that bind us to pain, anger, and bitterness. When we hold on to unforgiveness, it feels like we’re keeping the other person accountable, but in reality, we’re the ones imprisoned. The longer we clutch onto unforgiveness, the tighter the grip of resentment becomes on our hearts. Instead of leading to the justice we crave, it suffocates our peace, steals our joy, and keeps healing out of reach.

Forgiveness actually becomes a lot easier when we realize what it really is. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we are saying the offense was okay — it means we’re choosing to release ourselves from the burden of carrying it. And, most importantly, handing that burden to Jesus and the God of all comfort and justice. 

Forgiveness Requires Trust in God

If you are struggling to forgive, I would argue that you’re actually struggling to trust God. Forgiveness is not about excusing what happened. It’s not pretending we weren’t hurt or acting like it didn’t matter. God doesn’t ask us to minimize our pain; He acknowledges it fully. 

Forgiveness is about entrusting the person who hurt us into God’s hands and letting Him be the one to deal with them. After all, He is the ultimate Judge, and His justice is perfect.

At its core, forgiveness is an act of trust in God. It’s saying, “I can’t fix this, and I can’t make it right, but I know You can.” It’s letting go of our need for control and handing the situation over to His care. And when we do, something beautiful happens — our hearts begin to heal. The tightly bound knot of anger and bitterness starts to unravel, replaced by His perfect peace.

How To Forgive Someone You Love

Growing up, I loved my dad so much. Of everyone in my family — my mom, my sister, and him — I was most like him. We had similar personalities, and I felt like we really understood each other. That’s why it hit so hard when he changed.  

The dad I once loved being around became someone I was afraid of. After my parents divorced, we were still required to spend time with him, even though he wasn’t the same person anymore. No one seemed to care about his mental state or how unsafe it felt for my sister and me to visit him. His struggles with drugs, mixed with his unstable behavior, created a situation that was terrifying but unavoidable; we had no choice but to show up. It wasn’t until we were older — and brave enough to stand up for ourselves — that we finally put an end to those visits.  

Once high school was over, my sister and I decided it was time to leave it all behind. We moved across the country, intentionally keeping our new address from him. I didn’t want to hear from him or deal with the memories anymore. He would still reach out occasionally, through Facebook or by contacting my mom, but you could always tell things hadn’t improved. The way he talked, it was obvious that nothing had really changed. He never got the help he needed.

At that time, I wasn’t ready to forgive my dad. I was so angry that he wasn’t willing to get the help he needed for his family … for me. It was almost as if loving him so much made it so much harder to forgive.

How To Forgive When You Are Still Angry

That silence was broken when my mom died. At the time, my dad didn’t have my phone number, so all his rare attempts to reach out had always gone through her. When she passed away, he somehow found out and reached out to my sister. She wasn’t interested in talking to him, which I understood completely. But for some reason, I felt something different.

I can’t explain it exactly other than to say that part of me wanted to hear from him. Against my better judgment, I decided to respond. I think I was holding on to some hope, small as it was, that something in him might have shifted or that I could at least find some kind of closure.  

I was still angry, but God was softening my heart. I wasn’t actively holding onto unforgiveness anymore; however, I hadn’t actively forgiven him either.

How To Forgive Without an Apology

When my dad reached out in 2019, he was in a probationary program in Colorado, sober and on medication. He told me he was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder — a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar — which explained a lot about his past behavior. On his medication, he sounded calm and even, and I was cautiously hopeful. For a while, he called me every Monday, and those brief catch-ups felt like a small step toward something better.

I never got an apology, but I did choose forgiveness because I realized that reconciliation and restoration were more important to me than hearing him say, “I’m sorry.”

But after his program ended, he stopped taking his medication, unable to bear how it made him feel unlike himself. He left the home where he was staying, and the calls stopped. The next ones I got weren’t from him but about him — hospitals informing me of his deteriorating condition due to brain damage. Eventually, my sister and I put him on hospice care. We only had a few more fragmented conversations before he passed. 

Forgiveness Is a Choice

As a kid, I only saw my dad as unwilling to get the help he needed to keep our family together. As an adult, I saw a man who was hurting, sick, and deeply depressed. I saw an imperfect person, quite like myself, who did a lot of things wrong but was still loved by God. 

Because of this, I chose to be okay with forgiving without an apology because what I did get was more important: time. Time to let him know that I still loved him and time to hear that he loved me. And honestly, I’d choose that over an apology any day. But it would never have happened if I had held onto resentment and never taken his phone call in the first place.

I forgave him just in time to get one more chance at having a relationship with him before he died. Perhaps you’re waiting to forgive someone … thinking you’ll let them suffer a little longer or that you need more time. But what if there isn’t more time? I believe God gave me an opportunity to reconnect with my dad, and there was a part of me that didn’t want to take it. But I’m so glad I did.

You have a choice right now. You can choose to forgive. Yes, forgiving without an apology is hard. Forgiving while you’re still hurting feels like you’re accepting what they did is okay. But it doesn’t really matter what it feels like. Because the truth is forgiveness is freedom, made possible by the blood of Jesus on the cross.

We can live without forgiveness but not the life God wants for us. God wants us to live free from bitterness and resentment. Forgiveness is the path to peace. It’s also the past to healing. You can’t heal from the pain someone caused you without releasing that experience through forgiveness. 

Forgiveness Is Always Worth It

If you’re struggling with forgiveness, you are not alone. Forgiveness takes practice; it’s hard work. The good news is that Jesus is our perfect example. You might be trying to forgive one or two people … He had to forgive everyone. Can you imagine? He can. 

He knows what it feels like to choose forgiveness even when someone isn’t sorry. He knows what it feels like to forgive someone who is still sinning. And he definitely knows what forgiving without an apology feels like. So when you feel like you can’t do it, go to Jesus. Lay it all at His feet. He gets it. But He’s also really good at giving grace — He can help you. 

I know what it’s like to wrestle with forgiving your parents, forgiving a romantic partner, and even forgiving yourself. It’s not easy, but I’ve walked that road and found healing through God’s grace. If you’re ready to take that step but feel unsure where to start, I’m here to help. Through one-on-one relationship coaching and monthly Christian mentorship, we can work together to rebuild relationships and find peace. You don’t have to do this alone — I’d be honored to walk alongside you on this journey.