Being married in my 30s has given me a whole new perspective on what really matters when dating in your 30s. They say hindsight is everything, and it’s definitely true considering what I know now, being married. When you date with intention, the criteria shift in ways you might not expect.
Back in my 20s, the focus was simple. I asked myself questions like…
- “Can I have fun with this person?”
- “How do they make me feel?”
- “Am I attracted to them?”
While those questions have their place, they’re not enough when you’re dating to build a lifelong partnership. By the time you hit your 30s, you realize life isn’t just about fun, feelings, or attraction. Life is hard, messy, and filled with challenges.
That’s why the questions you ask while dating take on more depth. It’s no longer just, “Can I have fun with them?” but “Will they stick with me when life gets tough?” Because it will. Can they handle the storms of life beside you? Can you count on them when things don’t go as planned?
Then there’s the shift from “How do they make me feel?” to “Are they willing and able to fulfill the role of a biblical husband or wife?” Will they love you unconditionally? Will they serve and support you the way God calls us to in marriage? Just as importantly, are you ready to do the same for them? Biblical marriage is as much about giving as it is receiving, and those questions are so important.
Attraction also takes on a new perspective. It’s not just about sparks or physical chemistry. Instead, you start asking, “Do we have a solid friendship built on trust and security?” Because at the end of the day, that’s what lasts. Looks fade, feelings ebb and flow, but a deep friendship rooted in love and respect can carry you through anything.
Marriage has taught me that dating in your 30s is about more than just how someone makes you feel in the moment. It’s about finding a partner for the long haul. Someone who, despite life’s challenges, will continue to show up, stand by your side, and build a Christ-centered future with you. And when you find that, it’s worth everything.
The question is… how do you find that? And that’s what I want to explore with you today. We’re going to look at how to date intentionally and what to look for on a first date when you’re dating for marriage. Ready to stop wasting time dating men who don’t align with your vision for the future? Let’s dive into how to date in your 30s.
Answers to All Your Questions About Dating in Your 30s
When it comes to dating in your 30s, my perspective comes from being married at this stage of life and reflecting on what I’d prioritize if I were dating now, knowing all that marriage truly requires. With that in mind, here are some Christian dating guidelines I’d share.
Is Dating in Your 30s Harder?
I want to begin by saying I haven’t personally dated in my 30s. I met my husband in my early 20s, and now I’m married in my 30s. That said, I’ve worked with lots of coaching clients in their mid-30s who have shared how challenging it feels to find a life partner at this stage. And you know what? I believe it.
If I were dating in my 30s, I know my standards would be much higher than they were in my 20s, and that alone can make the process feel daunting. When you know yourself better and have lived a bit more life, your understanding of what matters deepens, and you’re less willing to settle. Finding someone who aligns with those values and expectations can seem almost impossible.
But here’s the truth that I share with my clients again and again: nothing is impossible with God. Yes, it may feel harder to date in your 30s, but don’t lose sight of who’s really in control. You serve a God who specializes in the impossible. Keep that reminder in your heart and mind as you approach dating with intention and faith.
How Do I Find a Partner in My 30s?
Dating apps are a great tool to meet people, but they’re not the only way. Sometimes, finding love takes stepping out of your comfort zone. It might mean striking up a conversation in the most unexpected places. Yes, it can feel intimidating, but trust me, it’s worth it. I met my husband at the gym, and I was the one who made the “first move” — I opened the conversation, and that little act of courage changed everything. Take that leap; you never know where it might lead.
What Should I Be Looking for on a First Date?
When it comes to what to look for on a first date, it’s less about sparks flying and more about finding clarity. This is the time to see if someone aligns with your non-negotiables. Do they share your faith — not just in belief, but at the same level or expressed in the same way as you? What about their views on having kids in the future? Another important non-negotiable might be how they handle conflict or treat people around them. These are the types of things to pay attention to on a first date, rather than whether the chemistry is through the roof. Chemistry can grow, but values and compatibility are foundational.
If you’re wondering how to make your first dates more fun and fruitful, I break it down in my First Three Framework, a resource I use in coaching sessions to help clients date with clarity and confidence. It helps take the stress out of early dating to move forward with purpose. You can schedule a free 30-minute coaching session if you’re interested in learning more!
What Is a Red Flag on a First Date?
Spotting red flags early can save you heartache later! Here are a few key ones to watch out for on a first date in your 30s:
- They talk badly about their exes or seem overly bitter about past relationships.
- They show a lack of respect for the waitstaff or others around them.
- They dominate the conversation without showing genuine interest in you.
If you notice any of these behaviors, trust your gut (it’s usually the Holy Spirit bringing something to your attention). For more insights, check out my blog post, 10 Biblical Red Flags in Dating, where I break down crucial warning signs you shouldn’t ignore.
What Is a Green Flag on a First Date?
Green flags, on the other hand, suggest someone might be worth getting to know better. Look for these qualities on a first date in your 30s:
- They listen actively and truly engage in the conversation.
- They uphold your boundaries without complaint or resistance.
- They show kindness, not just to you but to others around them.
These small signs often point to a person with solid character and emotional maturity, which are amazing foundations for a healthy relationship.
How Do You Decide If You Should Go on a Second Date?
“Should I go on a second date?” This is a question that one of my coaching clients emailed me asking because she didn’t feel an initial attraction to a guy, but thought there was some potential otherwise. Have you faced a similar dilemma?
That’s where my First Three Framework for fun and fruitful dates comes in! I help you identify what matters most when evaluating your connection with someone, including personalized questions and criteria for saying yes or no to a second date. This way, you can make intentional choices without wasting endless energy overthinking. Every person’s criteria will look different, and this framework helps you pinpoint what really matters to you. Book a free coaching call with me to dive into it!
Should You Go on a Second Date if You Didn’t Enjoy the First?
Not every first date will be a hit, but that doesn’t mean you should write someone off right away. Before deciding, ask yourself why you didn’t enjoy it. Was it because things felt awkward or there wasn’t an immediate “spark?” Remember, nerves often come into play on first dates, and many people need more than one meeting to relax and show their true personality. If that’s the case, it could be worth giving them another shot.
On the other hand, if they made you uncomfortable, disrespected you, or crossed a personal boundary, that’s a horrible first date. Trust your instincts in these moments. To date with intention means knowing your worth and not settling for anything less.
Dating with purpose takes clarity, courage, and a little bit of faith. If you’re ready to approach dating with intentionality and confidence, I’d love to help.
Book a free 30-minute coaching call with me, and we’ll tackle everything from spotting red flags to evaluating first dates and deciding when it’s worth giving someone a second chance. I’m here to walk with you every step of the way!
How To Date in Your 30s: Practical Tips and Dating With Intention Questions
Have you faced your share of bad first dates? Are you starting to wonder whether it’s even worth it to keep meeting people who fall short? I want to encourage you that with a bit of intentionality and preparation, you can approach dating with confidence and clarity, opening yourself up to meaningful connections.
How To Prepare for a First Date in Your 30s
The key to a great first date is preparation. Start by getting clear on your priorities. Take some time to reflect on what really matters to you in a relationship. Think about your most important values, future goals, and personal boundaries. Jot these down if it helps to solidify them in your mind.
When you’ve clarified what you’re looking for, prepare questions that can help you explore these areas naturally in a conversation. For example, if shared life goals matter to you, you might casually ask, “What’s something exciting you’re working toward in the next year?”
Choose locations or activities that make you feel comfortable, but also leave space for genuine conversation. A loud concert might not be the best for a real connection, whereas a chat over coffee or a walk in the park gives you room to learn about each other.
Don’t forget practical preparation too. Plan your outfit in advance, make sure you know the directions to your meeting spot, share your location with someone you trust, and leave yourself plenty of time to arrive. A stress-free start creates a better atmosphere from the get-go.
How To Do Well on a First Date in Your 30s
A great first date isn’t about wowing the other person with cleverness or charm. It’s about being fully present and genuinely getting to know someone. Treat the date as an opportunity to listen deeply and ask thoughtful questions that help both of you share who you are.
When it comes to what to look for on a first date, pay attention to how you feel around the other person. Are they engaging with you respectfully? Do you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts? Are they consistent with their words and actions?
Beyond this, show up authentically. The best version of you isn’t one that’s trying to impress — it’s one that’s being honest and true to your own personality. And remember, you’re evaluating them just as much as they’re evaluating you. A first date isn’t a commitment; it’s a discovery process.
3 Christian Dating Guidelines To Date With Intention in Your 30s
Approaching dating with intention helps make sure your relationships are built on a strong foundation that aligns with your faith and values. It’s not about trying to force a connection but about being thoughtful and discerning every step of the way.
- Guard your heart while opening it gradually. Proverbs teaches that the heart is the wellspring of life. Be mindful of how quickly or deeply you open up emotionally to someone new. Build trust little by little.
- Be aligned in values. Shared spiritual values lay the foundation for a long-lasting relationship. Over time, explore how they honor their faith in daily life, make choices, and view relationships.
- Pursue purity with mutual respect. While physically navigating boundaries is personal, it’s easier if the two of you share similar goals in walking this path. Respect their convictions while staying true to your own.
5 Dating With Intention Questions To Ask
Asking the right questions on a date can help you uncover whether you and the other person are on the same page about what truly matters. These thoughtful prompts also encourage deeper conversations while steering away from surface-level chatter.
- What are you most passionate about and why? This opens up meaningful conversation and gives you insight into what drives the other person.
- What’s been the most important life lesson you’ve learned so far? This question uncovers character and past experiences that shaped them.
- Where do you see yourself in five years? This helps you gauge future alignment without sounding like you’re rushing commitment.
- What’s something you value most in a relationship? You’ll quickly understand their approach to partnership and their priorities.
- What motivates how you make big decisions? It’s a subtle way to learn about their values and thought process.
Dating in your 30s doesn’t have to feel overwhelming or like you’re drifting away from what matters most to you. You deserve a dating life that feels aligned and purposeful. With a little preparation and the right questions, you can confidently step into each connection, knowing you’re making space for relationships that truly resonate with your values and goals!
Christian Relationship Coaching for Dating in Your 30s
Are you ready to make the most of dating in your 30s and finally find a man to spend the rest of your life with? Through Christian relationship coaching, we’ll work together to uncover what truly matters to you, shed old patterns that don’t serve you, and create a dating approach that feels authentic and aligned with your heart and God’s design for you.
This is about more than dating — it’s about stepping into relationships with clarity, hope, and purpose. If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck and start moving toward the Christ-centered relationship you’ve been praying for, I’d be honored to walk this path with you. Book your free 30-minute coaching call today, and let’s take that first step together toward the future you’re longing for.
